Of Showing Up

Sometimes, we just have to get out there. To say that we will do it. Put (some) logic aside and do what the heart says. Sometimes, it is these small things that make us happy. Sometimes- it is these things that will make us who we would be in time.

The last few weeks have been such. I had a wonderful, wonderful opportunity to travel back in time, to recreate some really precious memories. And for the first time in years, putting (some) logic of how, when , jet lag, logistics etc. behind, we went ahead. And had a great time. We met with old friends, ate some excellent food and saw how time had changed a few things.

Back in a city and world that we had loved so much at one time, we went back this time with another addition to our family. And this time as tourists. Walking in the never-dull bylanes, it was as if we had entered another time and space. For people with a temperament of routine, we were directionless for once. Directionless and happy. The noise, chaos and the familiarity of haphazardness was comforting.

Good times and good holidays- both do not last forever. In fact, they seem to go by at a faster pace than our mundane life. And soon enough, we fell deep into the mad world of jet lag. Just like the spider webs in most children’s books, the jet lag seemed endless. So much so, that it started to make me sick. So sick that all routine went out of the window. All my efforts at eating well and clean after a week of indulgence failed. And miserably. The only silver lining in this process was that I finally got my much-delayed physical examination and blood work done. Those familiar with me, would remember my legendary fear of needles. For others, I will post about that another time.

Amidst all this and some fancy scary terms randomly tossed at us by our doctors- something snapped. Last week, and with a great deal of planning and thinking about declining a friend’s meet up-I decided to just show up. This- after I had been consistently cancelling the same lunch in the preceding week. But this time- something told me to just show up. And I did. With every inch of my body in pain. I made the drive. After contemplating that U-turn, I went straight. I showed up.

And it was nice. Even though I was miserably tired, I showed up. After weeks of not being able to even think about it, I did it. This was followed by another day- when I impulsively decided to go for another lunch- this time with myself. Again, for those who have known me personally- this was just one of the things that I would never do. But yet again- I did it. Followed by more coffee trips alone- something has set up this new pattern that is so new to even me.

To many reading this post- this whole thing may seem silly and senseless. What’s the big deal about a lunch or a coffee outside- even if alone! But to several others- I hope it will resonate. I have been consciously working on several of these instances, some with pre-planning, and some impulsively.

Sometimes, we have to step aside from who we are, our fixed patterns and our comfort zones to evolve. To many, a mundane thing like an outing alone may be matter-of-fact. But for several of us- for whatever reasons- stepping out takes courage. To break from old patterns, to break from the known monotony and comfort of how we are and have been forever. These small baby steps may be simple baby steps to many, and may mean something larger to others.

Sometimes, one has to read between the lines to understand. To let the Universe hear loud and clear that we are ready for another change, another adventure, another benchmark- however, big or small. And to my surprise- this change of events, and my own attitude and outlook towards this previously unknown territory is making me happy- in its own small way. After years of being a rigid, idealist, firm-in-my-ways kind of person, I am finding comfort in the fact that nothing is off-limits in life. Most of the boundaries we create for ourselves are in our own minds. There is and should not be any judgements, especially for our own selves. This change has also affected my health in a positive manner. Maybe in the larger picture- this was my own subconscious soul trying hard to teach me this message.

True happiness lies within us. Sometimes, when we don’t think and obsess about it, is when we come directly to face it. Sometimes, we need to simply get out and show up, for no-one else, but our own selves.