Of Future
Youth… Such a wonderful time of our lives. Of love, of hope. Of endless possibilities. Of life.
During the recent snow-storm, as the brutal winter battered much of Texas, we scrambled to find endless ways to keep safe, and warm. Unlike the harsh Northeast winter, our current habitat does not prepare us for this aspect. And in these last twenty years- since we moved away from the land of numerous power-cuts, living without basic necessities just did not seem like a possibility. Until it happened to us.
As frigid temperatures knocked out our power and heating for nearly three days, we gathered as many winter clothing as possible. And blankets. And memories.
Needless to say- while us adults were reeling under so much stress, the kids were having the time of their lives. Since my last blog, the ankle biter has transitioned into such a fun five-year old personality. Always exploring, always happy and truly free! And like most younger siblings- always following his older brother like a little puppy.
The older one, on the flip side, is slowly giving us small glimpses into how youth will be. The fun-loving boy is now more serious than before. Often in deep thoughts. Of dreams, of uncertainty, of possibilities. Of what can be. Sometimes I feel I can see so clearly what he would be like in another ten years from now.
With both kids with different personalities in the mix, and their life’s first snowstorm- magic happened in our household. Amid shrieks of excitement, and the moment of experiencing snow for the first time- happiness and joy came home when we least expected it. And just like that- both these boys with different personalities blended and enjoyed this together. As one unit. Just like that.
These boys are growing up too fast. Amidst love, hugs, disagreements, temper tantrums, schooling struggles, the pandemic- if there is one thing that I wish I could do - would be to turn back time. Just like the small particles of sand escape through our palms- the more I try to gather this time- the faster it goes by.
Taking a stroll to check out if the nearby lake was frozen- this photo was clicked rather spontaneously. Without much thought. A few months later, today, I glanced at it again.
For some inexplicable reason, this image has hit me so hard. In ways beyond my comprehension. My first born, the reason of everything I am, is suddenly ten. So soon. It seems like only yesterday when we began on this steep learning curve of parenting. From learning of a difficult non-malignant tumor diagnosis, to his near-fatal allergies. To his first trip in Mexico to his first-ever playdate in Singapore. To the first bike-ride to so many milestones. It seems like there was no time to think, to reflect back these last few years. It often feels as if someone has pressed the pedals of our lives to move fast forward at such great speed. And suddenly- future is calling.
The stillness of this picture has stirred so many emotions today. As I write this- I am letting this sink in.
My heart yearns to turn back time. I am not certain if all parents feel like this- but I wish I could have another opportunity to do things differently. Small mundane tasks-perhaps more visits to the park, more time spent with him mindfully rather than brooding about all the difficulties he had to face. Perhaps more trips, or a pet companion for him when he was little. At the end of this ten year journey - we have come such a long way. But maybe this journey was just as important as its end result.
They say our experiences make us who we are- they form a solid foundation for our character, our thoughts, of the being we evolve into. We are really shaped by all these experiences. Perhaps my son is shaping his life too. Gentle, empathetic, thoughtful, mindful of our feelings- he is already exhibiting such wonderful qualities that are so, so important to me. Perhaps this was the path for him too.
As I see this yellow jacket labelled ‘future’, ironically my thoughts take me back to a time when my life was carefree. When we felt secure and safe under the shade of our parents’ presence. When we felt nothing was impossible. To see my child tread the same way now makes me so happy and emotional at the same time.
I do not know what the future holds for him. I also know that my heart’s desire of turning back time may never happen in this lifetime- but I am also so hopeful for what will be. Perhaps my parents felt the same way too, so many years back, seeing us in similar stages.
As you take one step ahead towards your future- Happy double-digits my dear boy. You have truly taught us so much. Yes- the future awaits you eagerly with its charm and endless possibilities- but you will always be the child who stirred our souls.
When you were born- someone reminded us- “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”- nothing has felt truer than this all this while. You will always be the reason why we strive to be better each day. You are the reason for who we are today.
