Of what’s ahead

All through my schooling years, I was the overall student. Noticeably good at academics and sports and music and everywhere else. I still have those precious certificates from several debating, writing, inter-school singing etc. competitions.

And yet, in a very crucial High school exam- I did not do so well. That exam is still considered to be a life-changing one- wherein a good score can help jumpstart to a good college and other places. I cannot even remember now why it was- lack of focus, poor marking, tough exam paper or too much time spent aimlessly with friends and not studying. And yet- I remember a very small detail on the day.

Given my brilliant record all through my school years, I remember feeling the shock and humiliation. And worry about what next. Of how I had let down myself and the parents and all the teachers who believed so blindly in my abilities. But this is not the detail I remember vividly.

I remember that after looking at the score card, my usually very vocal parents were quiet. They gave no reaction- no harsh words. I remember going straight from the school notice-board in complete silence towards a road less taken. Till date I wonder about how, what, why but I like to dwell in the brightness of this memory. I remember my parents taking me straight to the movie hall for a fun-outing and movie. Over the next few hours, we laughed, ate popcorn and it was as if the depressing score had never happened.

In hindsight- that episode gave me so much strength and motivation to do better. Within a few months- I was admitted in one of Asia’s finest Architecture colleges. After graduating- I worked with a pretigious international NGO. Moving from there, I turned out to the one of the first female employee in an important government organisation. From there on- ended up in a wonderful British organization, where I truly enjoyed working for a decade. It all worked out beautifully. And while now this seems like a distant past- it is something that no one can ever take away from me.

Last week- it was my turn to be on the other side with this Karma. My son, the one who is the center of my being- was at the hospital for a detailed testing. As a weak-hearted parent, it was tormenting to see so many needles being pricked on his bare back. But he did so good. Not one tear, not one sound. I think he was looking beyond and was looking forward to hear that he had outgrown some allergies. I guess- he was looking forward to start leading a normal childhood- without a constantly hovering parent.

We failed the tests. All of them. Not one change. And added a few more restrictions. 

In his tiny seven year old sense of logic- he looked at us. Trying to make sense of our reactions. And our silent heartbreak.

And just like twenty years ago (exactly 20), we walked out of the hospital with our chin up. And took him straight to his one of the three places he can eat out at. Over the next hour- I do not remember thinking about the test results at all. I could only see how much he was enjoying his time out alone with us- without the sibling. I noticed that he has so much vocabulary now, since I last paid so much attention to him. I saw that this is the normal childhood- we already have  it here right now.

Yes, it will be a tough road ahead, but he will make it. Just like I could not have imagined the beautiful path my life was to take after moving out from the score boards, I am hoping there is a meaningful journey ahead of him too. I think I turned out OK, and I do know that he will too!