Of Super Moms

I woke up this Sunday morning to a furiously buzzing phone- starting as early as 4 am. Groggily reaching for my phone and looking at all the messages- I saw my message box and WhatsApp filled with several bright, colorful Mother’s Day messages.

Two days before that, both the boys came home excitedly from school handing me several packages. The one from the two year old had a beautiful tile that was painted by him (and of course- made presentable and prettier by the teacher). The seven year old handed me a booklet with several pages. The front page on which had my so-called illustration shabbily drawn (finished with lipstick amongst the messy block of hair he had impatiently drawn). Flipping inside to the other pages, my amusement grew much further- he had written how much he loved his mom- for she is so nice, she loves to exercise and loves to help with the homework!

In my mind- the first thought to my myself was- nice- maybe, loves to exercise- I have maybe hit the gym only a few times this year and homework was other story. To be honest- homework times are the most pressing ones- I am yelling at the top of my lungs and lately have been losing my patience more than I should be. Certainly not the most pleasant time spent with the boys. Nevertheless- I thanked both the boys and put both the handicrafts right in the middle of the room for all to look and admire.

Coming back to 7 am again- I looked at all the thoughtful greetings and started to reply. Most of them were either addressed as the supermom or had cartoon strips of a super-mom variety. Each telling how much mothers are the best thing that have happened to the planet.

I have to admit here honestly- most of my reciprocation was half-hearted. Walking up completely an hour later, I did also call my mom to wish her.

Here is the thing- so many of those messages were not about being a mom- but being a super-mom. And here is my view- if you ask any of us moms in slightly difficult situations- our answer would be unanimous- we just want to be moms. Period. Nothing less, nothing more.

So many of us would never have imagined how our worlds would change, in this manner. Of how there would a constant fear, anxiety, doctors visits- day in an day out. As I write this today- my older one went into a full blast asthma attack- something I would never ever wish for- for anyone.

In my heart- I do not want to be this strong, calm, super-mom. For I am so, so scared from within- of what tomorrow will bring. Something as simple as a shared school lunch can kill- so where is the calm. How is it that everything is under control?

And strong- I am not. A slightest upheaval brings tears to my eyes. Every news related to small children churns my stomach, makes me sick. Each time my child is pricked- I close my eyes in fear, get dizzy.

There is this constant state of confusion, sometimes envy. All those messages about positivity also seemed like a disconnect- most days I bail out of outings on one pretext or the other. Yes, I am social- but at the same time-tags like the ‘brave-one, the chosen one’ hit me more in my heart than anyone can imagine. I do know that other moms in similar shoes in this or any other difficult situation would understand this here.

For all that we want is to be normal moms. Moms- who kiss their littles ones goodbye every morning and not worry about them returning home. Moms- who can just drop their kids for a play date anywhere and not have to worry every 5 minutes if they are ok. Moms- who are not judged. Moms- who just want to be heard sometimes. Like. Normal. People.

So to all you mothers who are trying so hard, and some who aren’t, moms who have adopted, and moms who are not here anymore with us and moms in difficult times- hope you had a good, ‘normal weaved with special’ kind of a day this Sunday.

Yes, this day was special for me too- but only as a mom. For that is all that I wanted to be, and that is all I want to be tomorrow and thereafter. And that Super-mom- she does not exist- at least not in this household!